Finally I can blog in English again after blogging 2 Chinese blogs.. Why do I blog in Chinese is because there are some words that I think I can express them better in Chinese which are those emo ones.. While when I blog in English, they are more on diary's basis..

Let's start off with my day.. Today we are having photography lesson in college where finally we can have all our friends into one class again which all of us miss it very much.. It was me and Arpana at the balcony talking about.. (I forgot..) Then, Melissa appeared at the staircase screaming as she saw us.. haha!! And I was having my same old expression on my face which is the stunned look, the sarcastic-look.. hehe, sorry, Mel.. Then, I took of my jacket because it was seriously hot at that time then Mel came hugging me from behind which afterthat, I gave her a frightened look, as if she molested me or something.. XD She gave me my Christmas present (post-Christmas present, to be accurate) and then I gave her a keychain which I bought during my Hatyai trip..

Then, we started our class.. The photography room was as stinky as usual but this time, we got to use the dark room as well.. Yes, you did not see wrong, it is 'Dark Room'.. The name 'Dark Room' clearly mean that we are working in a room which is in total darkness, doesn't it? I repeat, TOTAL D-A-R-K-N-E-S-S.. which got no light at all.. After we pose for our photos, then it was the time that we should enter the dark room to process the film.. After we switched off the light, it was so scary in there.. The atmosphere of it was as if that we were in a trapped lift.. Argh, so scary! Then, some of my classmates were laughing cunningly, trying to scare us off.. Then, our lecturer said 'so now you know how does a blind man feel like..' Yes, I totally agree with him.. It was really dark.. Can't see a thing.. Although I sleep with my light off, but the feeling in the dark room was not the same.. Atleast when I was in my room at night, with the lights off, I was with my bed, pillows and blanket.. And there are actually lamp posts near my house so it is not as dark as it was in the dark room.. I was scared and do not wish that I will be trapped in a lift..

Argh.. *wiping off the experience in the dark room*

After class, we went for lunch.. Yay!! finally we can chat again!! We talked about our holidays which mine was the dullest so I did not talk much, for the first time.. XD and then, we unwrapped the post-Christmas present that Mel gave to us.. Mine was a white jacket and I thought I couldn't fit into it but luckily, I was not that BIG.. So I fit in nicely.. hehe.. And thanks Mel alot for the present ya!! I like it and I appreciate it!!

X 的！

最近不知道为什么，好像都会为了一点小事情和你吵架..好不喜欢吵架过后的感觉哦~怪怪的..
不知道是我荷尔蒙又失调了还是什么，可能是我敏感过头吧，好像都会因为小事情而不爽对方..现在想起，也不过只是很小的事罢了..

不知从何时开始，我已经不再是自己的拥有者了..好像变了XXX的林佳霓.. 我可以是朋友的，妈妈的，男朋友的，等等.. 但，已经不再是自己的了..

为什么我会这样说呢？因为最近我已经不能再操控自己的时间表了，不由得我自己决定我该在什么时候做什么东西..如果我在做我的东西一半，就会突然被人家叫去做别的东西的..要不然就是我已经决定要在X天做X的东西时，突然间被朋友约出去..如果我说我不得空，朋友又八卦，一定会问我原因，如果我在X天只是纯粹要在家里休息，那我朋友就会把它归类成‘得空’然后就会说我得空又不要陪他们，不够义气之类的..问题是有谁规定得空就一定要出去的叻？难不成我就不是人吗？不用休息的哦？打个比方说，如果我已经忙了连续一个星期，然后难得有一天是得空的，我当然要休息啊..然后X朋友就会问我几时得空，难道要我说谎咩，就会说隔天得空咯..然后X朋友就会约我出来，如果我不想出来啊，问题就大咯..什么‘有异性没人性’啊，‘没有义气’啊，之类的话都会跑出来咯..结果叻，我只好牺牲我那难得空下来的时间陪朋友咯..过后，我不够休息了，不够精神了，就会脾气不好咯，然后就会很小气，就会很敏感，就会为了一点小事而不高兴，就会常常和人家吵架咯..头脑不灵活了，哪里还会有可能说好话哦？就会为了小事如果别人不迁就我而发脾气..结果叻？大伤和气，又被归类为小气鬼，无理取闹，刁蛮任性，等等..为的就是‘义气’二字..

我也是人，我也有感受..我现在做每件事都需要顾虑各方面人的感受..当一件事牵扯到很多人时，我就需要很小心..如果我挺A, B就会说我不公平..如果挺B, A就会和我翻脸.. 然后有时又会突然杀出一个程咬金，C.. C更惨，直接用威胁的话，伤感的话来重击我.. 最后，我输了，彻底地输了，我投降了啦.. 我只有的在自己的部落格上发泄..就连现在所发泄的东西也怕给A, B 和C 看到.. 我都不懂该怎么办才好，看到就看到咯，你出招，我接招咯..

如果有一天可以让我完全不需要顾及别人的感受，随心所欲，那该有多好啊！不过也只会在我梦里出现罢了.. 该发生的事都发生了，再也没有可能再回到从前，我也就只好接受了，慢慢适应吧！

爱，很难..

爱一个人，想念一个人，不一定要常把它挂在嘴边—这就是我对爱的定义..

可能是这个原因吧，让我身边的人都感觉不到我对他们的爱.. 但，这并不代表我不爱我身边的人啊..只是，我选择了另外一种方式来爱罢了嘛..

因为我觉得一直把爱挂在嘴边反而只会把爱的价值给贬低了..我的意思不是说完全不可以说‘我爱你’，只是在适当的场合或气氛之下说会凸显出它的意义..而且，我也觉得如果光是会一直说‘爱，爱，爱’但行动上却没有什么表示，那身边的人反而会觉得你是在说谎..就因为如此，我选择了以行动证明一切..但又可能是因为我的行动不够明显，所以人家又还是一样感觉不到..我都不懂该怎么办才好..常常把爱挂在嘴边又不是我的作风，做出来还是一样不够明显，人家还是一样感觉不到..好矛盾哦！

那我也只好希望身边的人能够了解我这个不会表达的傻瓜吧！

College Reopen!! T.T

All of us thought we are supposed to have our college reopen next week but we got a shocking news that our college actually reopen today and some of us even have class on yesterday!! OMG.. I was just lucky because yesterday's class, Basic Illustration was meant for Graphic Design and Multimedia Design students.. But, however, today's class is for Industrial Design and Interior Design students and that was why I went to college today with my 'holiday mood'.. T.T

Me and Arpana was sitting in the classroom with some other classmates which are not in Industrial Design for more than an hour then the other classmates got frustrated and went off leaving only me and Arpana in the class.. In the end, the lecturer reach around 11am and then he explained something regarding Industrial Design and then our class end at around 12pm.. That means I went to college just for the 1 hour thing.. Sigh..

Holiday!!

After a long struggle with all my assignments, finally here I am.. I am currently on my holiday! yuuhuu~ It's so nice that I can finally R-E-L-A-X~ It's been so long since this thought last came into my mind 'aiyo, very boring lar.. got nothing to do..' Ah-hah!! And now, here I am, having this thought again and this is why I have my time to update my blog now..

On the first week of my holiday, my grandmother passed away.. we spent the whole week having funeral.. sob.. 阿麽，安息吧！

The following week was quite dull as well.. I finally had my time to clean up my room.. My room had been a mess since the beginning of my new semester which is nearly 3 months ago.. sigh.. I had been sleeping in a dusty, dirty and messy environment for nearly 3 months!! My goodness.. Come to think of it, how can I manage to stand that long.. I must be very unhealthy for the passed 3 months.. Nowonder I keep falling sick.. Now that my room is once again, tidy and clean, I think I am healthier now..

Last Friday went to Ipoh with my family.. It looked as if it was a last reunion for our family.. I wouldn't want to think of what might happen to my family, either falling apart or still in contact with each other.. As long as everyone is healthy and happy.. For some of the family members that I might not like them very much, although I would hope to not seeing them that often but I still wish for the best of health for them..

Yesterday was rather dull.. Had been tiding up my grandmother's stuffs.. Then, I was on Facebook the whole night and went to sleep after I got terribly tired..

Today morning need to wake up at 7.30am because I had Taekwondo training at 8.30am.. Taekwondo training was fine.. But I can feel my shoulder very tired.. I was thinking of going for a nap after this but my mum had asked me to accompany her to go to our old house and I do not want to let her down.. It's this much for now.. Hope my holiday will be much better after this.. Bye!!

好辛苦哦..

昨天哭了整晚.. 今天就有报应了.. 头痛痛.. 喉咙痛痛.. 眼睛痛痛.. 鼻子又塞塞.. 好辛苦哦.. 整个人都不懂像什么.. 朋友跟我讲话,我都没什么想采她.. 不过为了功课,我还是得开口了.. 没办法.. 现在我很辛苦.. 鼻子塞住,不能呼吸,又得做功课.. 辛苦到!!

谢谢你...

昨天做了一整天的Photoshop，但就因为一时的粗心大意而按错了键.. 问题是我竟然忘了储存！！我是大笨蛋，也是个大傻瓜，没用到毙！！没用，没用，没用！！
过后就都不懂该怎么办才好... 妈妈抛下了一句‘做过啦’就这样算了... 我也懂要做过，不然我还可以怎样哦？只是当时承受不了这突如其来的打击嘛，又不是我想的... 过后就连男朋友打来我都不接，在那边不爽自己就对了... 男朋友打了很多通电话来都不放弃，我也只好接了...
对不起哦，没用的我整天只会让你担心罢了... 自己做错的东西还要你来安慰我，还害你为了陪我没得睡觉.. 对不起,对不起..幸好有你陪我,听我哭诉.. 不然我都不懂要怎么面对了.. 只会傻傻看着电脑发呆.. 幸好有你哦.. 我才振作了..
不懂是不是傻人有傻福,竟然过后还有灵感来.. 真是奇怪.. 谢谢你陪我,我很感动.. 你叫我去睡觉.. 电话放下后,我还是哭了.. 没用的傻瓜.. 一定让你担心死了吧? 还是那句,对不起哦,整天都要你为了我操心..
谢谢你!